"Memory is a child walking on the seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things." --- Pierce Harris.
Memories are like a dark shadow you cannot shake off. Silent. A cloak to the yesterdays of life. Sometimes they scream. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. Hit you like a truck on a highway.
Memories have a depressing way of alerting you of their existence as you attempt to swim your way through denial. The little images cocooned in your mind. Little unopened cupboards of sorrow. Of guilt.
Then comes spring. The season of fresh beginnings. Of forgotten memories. Haunting images of a surreal world. You take a peek into that forgotten alley. Smiles beckon you. That twinkle in the eye is caused by tears. Yet you trudge on. Do you revisit because you are numb? Or because you want to feel alive? Images tucked away unfold as tucked away memories of hurt.
Voices in your head. Loud.
Silent whispers of another time. In another place.
The sky was a piercing blue today. A day definitley for new beginnings I thought...I sat staring at the clouds as they chased each other- different shapes sizes and forms.
There's a monkey chasing an elephant. The elephant sat on a frog and the monkey ate them both. The panorama is endless. The frog jumped from the monkey's back and sat on a bicycle. The bicycle moved and became a spaceship! Now its a tree, now its a flower, now its a house. The elephant re-emerged from nowhere and laughed at the frog atop the house. The house giggled too and then the frog snorted.
A giggle started in my toes, travelled up to my stomach and grew till it burst out of my lips. I laughed till there were no more tears inside of me. Not blue anymore.
Will it ever be the same? It struck me that I am not sure if this is what I want. Today.
A little distance goes a long way. "Walk the mile with me?" More than a mile he said. I begin to run. I try not to look back. Then I do. You are no longer there. Alone.
I look for the horizon. It moves each time I reach out. Like a little child that runs when you reach it. Only this time I don't follow. I stumble. Defeat.
You sit next to me. "Come closer" I think. I want it to be just you and me. Without the silence between us. I look at you. You seem distorted and blurred. I attempt to swallow the glass tears that hurt within. You collect them in your hands. Pearls you say.
I want to walk. Away. Far away. Stuck in a moment. Forever.